Monday, April 18, 2011

A different, more successful perspective

Hello fellow SUMILLIE followers, I'm a friend of the writers who doesn't suck at getting boys. So, I've been invited to publicly display my talents in a series of SUMILLIE posts entitled "A Guide to Getting Dudes for Girls that Don't Get Dudes." A little background on me (and yes, I am ashamed about some of these): If there's one thing I have excelled at in life, besides not becoming a teen mom (yay twenties!), its stealing dudes from other girls. Yes, it's been bad, but let me tell you that nothing brightens a day like knowing a dude likes you more than his girlfriend.

On a less conniving note, I've honed my dude-catching skills and here are my gems of advice. I hope they are somewhat successful for you, as they have been for me:

1. Stay within your league. If you at least a 5, anyone is in your league because lets be serious--Dudes really just want to fuck. If the dude your into tells you something different, jump ship because he's gay.

2. Always smile when talking to a dude, unless you have an unusually gorgeous frowning face. Otherwise, smile.

3. Touch a dude in passing. Not while talking to him, only in passing. 

4. Look adoring. Smile with your eyes like your trying to woo Tyra Banks, and BE enthralled.

5. Don't make over the top sexual jokes. That's just awkward.
5b. Don't make other weird comments that you think will make the dude think your quirky and cool, like "I like dinosaurs/ninjas/distance (that doesn't even make sense?)/corn." Because even if you do like those things, you don't like them enough to talk about them. And if you DO like them enough to talk about, well then you're not even a 5, and you should hit up because I can only work with so little raw material.

6. Instead of stupid things, tell the dude random, funny anecdotes about you, and you with your friends. Mostly stories about being drunk are best. That way, the dude will know you have friends and will think that you're fun.

7. Hang out with girls that are uglier than you. Sub-5s are best for this.

8. AND THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE: After a dude knows that you are into him, and, thank the lord, he gives you the impression he's into you too, ignore him. Every time you initiate a text conversation you LOSE. Everytime the dude does, you WIN. Never lose more than you win because then if you do, you are in the midst of a losing season, and as you all know too well, no dudes want a loser. Be a winner, and then you won't be loser. Simple.

That's all for now. Good luck, and goodnight.

No comments:

Post a Comment