Monday, January 31, 2011

Advice for Awkward Situations: 1st Installment

Sometimes we see a stranger from afar and mistake them for someone we know.  Like that time you reached out to hug that guy and "he" turned out to be your body pillow, and you realize you went to bed alone...again. Mistaking someone you really don't know for a friend, however, is much more embarrassing than this private bedroom mix-up with your pillow. It usually starts something like this...

You've been having an okay day. You woke up with your eyes not swollen from crying for once.You shower, look in the mirror and its your lucky day, your thighs are not touching, then you put your jeans on and now they are. Whatever, small victory. You walk to class ready to learn, but on the way you see a friend-quaintance, someone you haven't seen in awhile. You make eye contact from twenty yards away, the worst distance, too far to say anything, but too close to avoid them. You start to smile, then you realize you can't stop smiling till you get there, it starts to hurt, the smile gets bigger so you don't lose it. Then ten yards, its NOT THEM. Sheer panic sets in across your face, then the person you have been eying and grinning at starts to look at you quizzically. Then you start to look at them quizzically becuase not only do they look nothing like the person you mistook them for, but they look an awful lot like the guy from yesterday's Dateline. Two yards, now you just look constipated, which you probably are. STOP BUYING BURRITOS.  Then they ask "are you okay?"

What can you say to that? JUST RUN.

Also, stop pretending you know people, you only know OF people.


    thanks for cleaning my foot.
    its liek were triplets or something.