Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Tips For A First Date

1. Ask him if he has ever masturbated directly after eating a bag of Cheetos

2. Accuse him of being defensive
This can be a little tricky, so here is an example:
(After coming back from being in the bathroom for 20 minutes) you: did you drink my water
him: no
you: stop being so defensive
him: I'm not, I really did not drink your water
you: chill out, its just water

3. If he tries to expand on a joke you made, pause, sigh, and then say "and scene"

4. Ask him to rate you on a scale of 9 to 10

5. (Courtesy of Amy Sedaris) Ask thought-provoking questions such as  " Does the sun make nosie?" or "How do you teach hope?"

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