1. Ask him if he has ever masturbated directly after eating a bag of Cheetos
2. Accuse him of being defensive
This can be a little tricky, so here is an example:
(After coming back from being in the bathroom for 20 minutes) you: did you drink my water
you: stop being so defensive
him: I'm not, I really did not drink your water
you: chill out, its just water
3. If he tries to expand on a joke you made, pause, sigh, and then say "and scene"
4. Ask him to rate you on a scale of 9 to 10
5. (Courtesy of Amy Sedaris) Ask thought-provoking questions such as " Does the sun make nosie?" or "How do you teach hope?"